


My Spin Doctor Lights Fuses In His Own Hair

by salanaland



Series: Happy pirate threesome AU [1]
Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: AO3 1 Million, Humor, Multi, Not Actually Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 15:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1190925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salanaland/pseuds/salanaland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blackbeard is always willing to help a fellow pirate with an embarrassing shanty situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Spin Doctor Lights Fuses In His Own Hair

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Anonymous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous/gifts).



"So, Kenway," Thatch half roared as he slid into the seat next to Edward. "I've been hearing scurrilous rumors about ya."

"Mm?" Edward was watching Anne bend down to hand out cups of rum two tables over.

"They're singin' about it all over the docks. Somethin' about you bein' little James Kidd's woman."

"Singing? Really? Singing?"

"I told them there weren't nobody's head up your ass, but there was up theirs."

"So, ah... how's business going, impersonating yourself? Must be strange."

"But if you're going to be any man's woman, Jim's not a bad choice."

"...What?"

"He's handsome enough, I suppose. And he always treats his women well, none of them ever gossips 'bout him."

"I...I..."

"A'course, you'd have to reinvent yourself as a pirate, because everyone will know and they'll take ya less seriously."

Edward was sure his cheeks were flaming red. Thatch waved Anney over. "Miss, do you find this handsome specimen a terrifying pirate?"

She laughed. "Hardly."

Edward grumbled, and Thatch laughed.

Anney continued, "It's hard to be terrified of someone when you've seen him bent over begging for James Kidd to hurry up and fuck him."

That was it. He was definitely going to die of embarrassment. "Oh god, Anney, did you have to?" She squirmed into his lap and smooched him heartily.

Thatch chuckled, and Edward could practically hear the wheels turning in the older man's head. "Listen, Kenway. This is how we'll work it. Everyone knows about you and Kidd. I know a man, writes a fine song when he needs to. I'll get him to fix up the things people have been singing, they're callin' James 'King Stud of Nassau', what we'll put around is that you're so manly that the only man who could make you his woman would have to--"

"Jaysus, Thatch. King Stud of Nassau?"

"It's a fair name."

"Isn't it a bit much?"

"Not from what I've heard."

"Or I," Anne said cheekily.

"You too, Anney??"

"You're damn loud, Edward. Normally I like men to talk to me here," she pointed to her ear, "not here," and she pointed to her lap, "or here," and she licked her finger and wedged it into her cleavage, smirking at Edward's reaction. "But I can hear you just fine no matter where you put your mouth."

Thatch leaned back in his chair and chuckled. "So that's how it is, huh? Anne and Kidd invited you into their love nest?"

"What love nest?!" Anne retorted, color rising on her cheeks.

Thatch rolled his eyes. "It don't take Kenway's fancy eyes to see you been hankerin' after that young man as long as _he_ has." He drained his cup and stood up. "Let me know what ya think about the song, Kenway. Evening, lovely Anne." He toasted her with the dregs of his cup and made his way back to the bar.

"How's he know about my eyes?"


End file.
